[Anachronistic] Battle

"It's complicated. We're due for a talk [about our relationship] tomorrow.. if it's really over."
   "Would you take him back?" Nic asked.
"I know I shouldn't."
   "That doesn't answer the question, though, does it?"

A Bit of Honesty

I haven't exactly had the best cards dealt to me in life, and not in Warsaw either, but I've also played a poor round or two, not gonna lie. A character in Hornby's book says something about how we're all so caught up in appearing like we're okay, like everything is okay. And I do for the sake of survival, and I do for the sake of tact, but there are times where I'm tired of pretending I'm unaffected by other people. I'm tired of not being honest with myself. People hurt people, all the time, and that doesn't make it hurt any less, so let me throw it out there: I'm hurt.

Chapter Seven

New friend: Max, his girlfriend, and I are all going off to a party. This is Nic's housewarming party. At this party are going to be people who hate me for quitting the job at the preschool. Fair play to them, I'd be mad at me too, even knowing I didn't mean it personally-- even if I was just doing what I needed to do to take care of myself. So, it will be awkward. That's okay though: Nic's my friend, and here are my two new ones. Even if one of them is looking at me kinda funny.

We've all gone to some Sri Lankan restaurant in the northern reaches of central Warsaw. The food is amazing, and it's helped along by beer and wine. Good grief, I don't ever remember liking liver that much. There's conversation at the table, some "getting to know you basics" between Max's girlfriend Ellen, and I. I drunkenly assure her that I grew up with four older brothers, I just have a lot of guy friends, and there's nothing she needs to be suspicious about. Her eyes are distrustful toward me. I shrug it off and keep drinking. Maybe that's just her face.

Sure enough, the haters are hating, the wine is flowing, and the party is happening when we get there. We bust out a drinking game or two, sing along to whatever's playing on someone's iPod-- whichever one of the lot is connected to the set of groovy speakers. And there's pretzels. It's not a party if there aren't pretzels. Sweet deal.

Before I know it, I'm drunker than drunk. I've had god knows what mixed with wine and vodka. I've met some Fulbright scholars. Things are good. The haters can keep on hating, and I'm just gonna keep on dancing.

Now I'm on the couch. Ellen plops down beside me. She's got a very pretty face, distrustful eyes and all, but she's got a very awkward social manner. She's very intelligent but can't quite figure out how to act around people-- or is intent on giving off an intense energy. Anyway, if I wasn't getting the "I'm a bit awkward" vibe from her before, it is now clearly spelled out for me in the foot of space she could be occupying on the couch, instead of the foot of space right beside me. The physical contact of our legs is just an exclamation point added for emphasis.

"You really are very pretty."

"Okay. Thank you. Aww, uh, you're really pretty, too."

God she's close to me.

She starts cuddling up with me. It's nice. I kind of miss cuddling. No, I really miss cuddling. She's being sweet now, so maybe I misread the dodgy eyes.

"And I like you," she says as she begins to play with my hair.

"Yeah, you're great." I'm not sure I mean it. I think I'm just being polite, but I'm really rather drunk.

"Really?"

"Really." Sure, why not?

"I'd really like to kiss you, right now."

There it is. "You've got a boyfriend right over there to kiss. I think you should kiss him."

Max is talking to a friend. Dude. Your girlfriend. Get her off me.

"Oh, he knows I'm bisexual. He's okay with it. He knows everything about me, and accepts it."

"What do you mean?"

"He knows I'm on anti-depressants."

Red Flag! Red Flag! Why aren't you getting off the couch, Lauren?

"Well, maybe you want to go hang out with Max."

It's not working, Lauren. You need to get up.

"No, no. We have an arrangement," she looks me dead in the eye.

... wait, what?

"Wait, what?"

"You know... if you don't want to go home after this, you can always... stay at ours."

That is a look. That is a look and a half and I know she doesn't mean the couch.

"Uh, I actually live right down the street from here."

"Really, he doesn't mind." She kisses me on the cheek. I look at Max. I know he can see this, he has to. He's not stopping it... I guess they do? Still, I don't do these sorts of things sober. I just can't do open relationships, any part of them. Still... it's been a while since I've kissed a girl. I miss it, and here's my chance, and

Get off the couch, you fucking looney.

I guess if it's all fine between them. I finally look her in the eye, and we kiss. We're making out on the couch. We're making out on the couch at my friend's party in front of new friends and people who hate me, and Max.

Fuck you, Vodka. Fuck you with something hard and sand-papery.

During a break, I open my eyes and look  over her shoulder, and there's Max with a look so full of hate at me that I break. We made out. We made out on the couch at my friend's party, in front of new friends and people who hate me.

"I think you need to have a talk with your boyfriend."

I get up off the couch and hide in the stairwell, crying my eyes out for the rest of the night.

So much for new friends.

Abrupt Anachronistic Adventure 3

Nic and I are on the metro. We've just stepped in with a slightly scruffy blond dude in a long black coat, with a black bag and some reading material. He's handsome. Kinda shaggy looking, but dressed smart.

I nudge Nic and nod her in his direction. "That guy looks like.. like what I imagine Remus Lupin was supposed to look like (no disrespect meant to Mr. Thewlis)."

"Yeah! He does."

We're both trying not to stare. The metro moves along and we make conversation about other things, briefly glancing at Code Name Lupin every now and again.

Następnym Przystank: Metro Świętokrzyska. Lupin stands up and makes his way to the doors about to slide open.

"Aww.. Lupin's leaving."

"We should just get up and follow him."

"Yeah, we'd be such creepers."

"Oh, please stay, Lupin."

We're sitting and joking.

"No, don't leave hot guy!" We snicker.

"Oh shit, this is our stop, actually." 

"Oh shit."

We barely make it out of the doors, all that time wasted jokingly longing for the dude, and now doubled over with laughter at how ridiculously distracting good looking people can be.

Abrupt Anachronistic Adventure 2

     Nic and I are hanging out at her place before we go off to another part of town. We'll be getting there by bus, and thankfully the stop is literally right outside of her building. We're drinking and snacking, and running through some recent youtube favourites. Time passes, and we put on our coats and make our way down to the stop. As we're talking and laughing, a man comes creeping up slowly in his car. His window is slightly rolled down as he's making sluggish progress toward us.

"Look at this guy," I thrust my chin out in his direction. Nic looks.

"Oh man."

"He's probably looking for a classy prostitute," I grin.

"Which we are... or two--"

"No, no. We collectively make one classy prostitute."

Chapter 6

Most people have trouble remembering names, I think. I walked past the secretaries' office and waved hello, and went straight down to the end of the hall to the teachers' room. I looked at the teachers boxes with names on it. I didn't remember the secretaries' names, or even my boss's names, but I had to remember this one. A new friend! A new friend! Come on, what was his name?

Boxes, files. Nothing rings a bell. I think. No, wait.. Yes, I think it could start with M. Great! M, M...

Names: Michael, Mac, Mark, Marcin, Max...

What the hell..? Are there any men who work here whose names don't begin with an M?

From around the corner, in he walks. Oh, hey. Damnit.

"Oh, hey." I say, waving casually at him.

"Hey."

"So, when did you want to grab that coffee or whatever."

"Anytime's good. What time are you done today?"

"I've just got the one class."

"Well, I've got another class after this, but we could go after that, say half seven?"

"Sounds good. I gotta stick around here and lesson plan anyway. Huge Test Prep course on Saturday. Three hours. Overwhelming, hah."

"Oh man, yeah. I can't even imagine."

Awkward silence.

Don't be defeated by the awkward silence. Coffee at half seven. Um. Argh! New friend! What do we talk about in this small space of time that shouldn't be saved for coffee chatter? Er... 

.... 

Fucking useless. Just ask.

"Uh.. what was your name again?"

"Max. And yours again?"

Phew. "Lauren."

"Okay, cool."

Nervous laughter. Time to go to class. Done and done.

It's half seven. I start putting my books back into the box I was given and organizing my notes to put them away in my bag. Max walks in. 

"About ready?"

"Yep, just gotta put this stuff away."

"Cool. I'll just grab my coat, and I'll wait for you downstairs, I'm gonna have a smoke. Do you smoke?"

"Ah, no. Alright. See you down there."

The details of wine chatter were nothing profound. It was nice. I was making friends outside of the circle of friends I had through Pabs, and outside of the place I just quit (because lord knows they weren't my friends anymore). Max came here to live with his Polish girlfriend. He grew up in Wales and the Middle East, when his parents moved out there for work. He was a tall, lanky pale dude with dark hair and eyes. His girlfriend sounded pretty cool, too. Working on her second masters degree. Right on.

Drinking, music, and space travel. Those are things friendships are made of. I invite Max and his girlfriend to the party I'm going to in about a week. This is going to be cool.

Chapter 5 - Bridge School of English

Not many of my new colleagues are that social. This was kind of the case when I moved to China as well. I was quite enthusiastic about group dinners and hanging out outside of work, and I generally bring a nice social atmosphere to the places I spend a lot of time in. I'm generally quite non-confrontational, so I guess it's fairly natural for a peacemaker who has gone extrovert to sort of bring people together.

One of my schools, teacher's room/library, three men, standing about, looking through various text books, minding their own business. I'm being shown around by one of the secretaries. He leaves me in this room, and I break the ice with a casual hello. It's accepted and they all introduce themselves. They're all British.

Okay. Cool. One of them is my age, the other two are at least in their 30s, if not 40s. None of them are very talkative, but none of them are cold at all either. I make conversation mostly with the guy my age. They're asking the general questions: Where are you from? Why Poland? How long have you been here?

While answering, a voice carries from down the hall. It's a voice that belongs to an extra in Spiderman who's supposed to represent the Bronx.

"I hear an American in there!"

This is great. Another American, and clearly a performer of some kind. He's even got speak-through-your-nose way of speaking that New York stereotypes have.

"Yeah, what up, man?!" I say, playing up an East Coast accent. "How's it goin'? How you doin'?!" 

He comes around the corner. It looks like part of his ear's been cut long ago from a street fight, and from the way he's carrying himself, and the way his mouth moves when he speaks, it dawns on me that he is actually from New York, and this was not a performance.

"Yeaaah, man, you sound like you from the East Coast!" he extends a hand out to the side to swing around to shake mine. I awkwardly extend my hand forward, unsure of how this is done.

"Uh, yeah, no actually. I'm from.. I'm from Los Angeles. Hi." I smile nervously.

He doesn't seem to understand I was making fun of him. Sigh of relief to me. Darting a glance to the British guy my age. Phew.

As Brooklyn wasn't here for the answers to the standard questions, I have to repeat it all over again. As soon as we're all breaking off to go to our classes, I make a general coffee invitation, which only one of them accepts. Great. New friends.

... what was his name again?